Tortured Soul

I was out and about last night having fun at a lounge where a lot of Industry people in my area hang out on Mondays. It was a typical blast from the past hip hop medley being played and i was jammin and in the zone as usual then i received a couple of texts from a potential friend who i figured after the first date should just remain platonic friends and we exchanged a few texts about how her day went and blah blah blah but after a few texts i got the response that i was a TORTURED SOUL and that i need to let go so i can be happy and focus back on life and i had a moment with myself while i was still reciting the hip hop lyrics playing at the lounge and i tried to digest the word and all i could come up with was that thats how i am 24/7.

My Friend said i am the way i am because i am hurt and that she had been to hell and back and that what saved her was good friends and family that brought her back from purgatory and i tried to reflect back on my life whether this applied to me and the same answer came rushing back that this is just how i am period.

I am not a good believer or advocate of Bullshit. I am not impressed by fast and smooth talkers, Not impressed by material wealth, I love a great mind though and am not really a big fan or Organized Religion, Capitalism, Celebrities and the likes but thats just the way i am. I am more connected with the masses or the unfortunate around the world and wish more people will be more sympathetic towards such people and circumstances but most people i come in contact with do not like to talk about such issues with hopes that it will die or go away.

I went to lunch today with an associate and during lunch we had some discussions or maybe Man to man gossip and at the end of the lunch he said i complain about everything and that i dont like much do i? Mind you he is also a minister of the Lord so we agree to disagree on several issues and i noticed during the conversation he paused for the most part and just let me rant which i have no problem doing if i have an audience.

I do feel alone atimes because so very few people can relate as deep as i can or understand me but i dont let it bother me. I have a lot of average friends who are just about living life and creating wealth and oppressing the same people who oppressed them going up continue the same vicious cycle but i dont have any scores to settle with anyone.

I had to call out a friend today about somebody he recently met today about just believing people based on a night out and a couple of drinks and i noticed he became defensive but i hate when people just believe anything without using a little commonsense but such is life. I am not a name dropper , I dont do titles , i love being incognito and dont like being the Headliner because of the drama that comes with it.

Even though i am not a Religious person sometimes i feel like John the Baptist who back in the days was perceived as a bipolar schizophrenic wild locust and honey eating hobo preaching about the coming of Christ. I have come to realize that its just my calling that i feel for the less fortunate and dislike greedy people no matter what race or creed they are even including friends and family who share those ideals. I cant be a hypocrite when it comes to a lot of issues and i believe a lot of people think i am strange for being that way. I know a few people who believe we are peas in the pod but deep down i know we are not even remotely close but if it makes them feel more important then so be it cos i refuse to have a debate about morals and issues.

Tortured Soul i doubt i am but even if i am i have learned to be at peace with myself. My friend also mentioned that the only time i sound excited and enthused is when i am dancing or when i am talking about traveling and thats probably true because i live for those two things and the third thing which requires another individual so i guess i will stick with the two things i love to do the most.

Does everyone have to be happy go lucky and optimistic about every silly thing out there? I dont think so but if it works for you then carry on but is it a crime to see the glass half empty either? I dont think so.